What Difference Does it Make?
by Anime-Pony
Summary: A girl named Kelly comes to the after life, and Otonashi tries to help her move on. She just wont help, she has a dark past, and after sometime of the pain of holding back she decides to talk.


**What Difference Does it Make?**

**I DO not own Angel Beats**

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"Kelly, what's your story?" Otonashi asked me.

We were standing on top of the school, I was leaning over the railing looking at the npc while Otonashi was looking away, or at me. I sighed, I remembered everything about my past, and I didn't want to share it. It hurt to think about everything, but I had heard so many people tell me that it was best to let it out. I tried playing the amnesia card, but apparently Otonashi saw right through me. I couldn't hide it any longer, the pain was worse everyday when I held back. I opened my mouth, but hesitated making a sharp pain shoot through my heart. A single tear ran down my cheek and I turned to Otonashi.

"It hurts," I murmured, he placed a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up. He had a small smile on his face, and kindness in his eyes. I wanted to trust him, but I held back.

"I know it does, but it helps to let it out." He whispered. I nodded and turned back to looking out over the field and bit my lip. Swallowing the lump that was building up in my throat I took a deep breath.

"I was never truly happy with my life, I always felt like I was just in the way, never had a purpose, and never belonged. I felt like if I just disappeared, everything would be better." I started. "Here, I found this in my pocket, read it." I said handing him a white sheet of paper that had part of my story on it.

_What Difference Does it Make?_

_Who even cares anymore... If I'm gone, it wont matter. There are others to replace me...they would do a better job at it what I do. I'm just there...living a meaningless life. I have just been in the way. Without me people would be happy. My bet it my mother's life would be healthier, she would be happier without me, dragging her down, being in the way. My sister would be happier without me, I'm not even her sister to her. She has her best friend to replace me. I know my best friend has that one girl to hang out with. She and her are always together anyways, excluding me and making me feel like I don't matter. Jazz band has replacements, heck, I'm not even good. Cheer has replacements to base and others to back. I am meaningless, I've always wanted to something big... Maybe that would be leaving. I tried over and over to be happy, find a calling, something I'm good at, something to live for. I tried to write a book, but failed. I tried to cook, but failed. Many attempts, and only failure. I am not book smart, so what could I be but in the way? Nothing, I am just a nobody. I am meaningless and in the way, nothing more nothing less._

Otonashi put down the note, and I got ready for what I usually got. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have a life, and you should be happy with it."

Instead I got: "I understand."

"No you don't," I muttered bitterly.

"Yes, I do, I felt exactly what you felt, I was just apathetic to everything after my sister died, and I felt like I was just a useless zombie going to work and home. I felt this way until I saw what I was there for, I studied and got good grades. I decided to be a doctor, to help people, but there was a train crash. Both ends of the tunnel were caved in, but me and a few people survived. I helped them, until they were rescued, but right before they came I died." Otonashi explained.

"I wasn't apathetic, I didn't have a calling, and I probably wont ever have one. Like you read, I'm just useless." I muttered looking away.

"You'll stay that way until you try," Otonashi said, just like the many people before. "Look, I know you've probably heard this speech a hundred times, so I'll spare you. You can't find your calling until you try."

"Don't you see, I've tried so many things, and yet I couldn't! Look, I would have tried more if it weren't for the fact that every day I was put down. My father was abusive, and my mother told me I was no good. My sister ignored me and acted like she was too good for me. I was alone, even my apparent 'friends' didn't care. I was all alone, if I could have been happy, I would have." I explained.

"I didn't know," He muttered.

"Well now you do," I snapped pushing away from the rail and walked away, leaving him alone. I was done with people telling me that I didn't try, that I should be happy. They didn't understand. Why would they? I was alone, even now.


End file.
